Emails
by JojoTea
Summary: Makoto starts college soon and it's still getting at Haru. He and Makoto still talk, sending emails to each other about their separate lives. But in drafts, he keeps emails on what he really wanted to send. How he really feels. Who will confess first? Who will say how they feel first? Most importantly, who will send that email first. Includes: boy x boy. MakoxHaru. RinxHaru Enjoy.
1. Dear Makoto

**Hey guys, im starting my first ever Free! fan fiction and im really excited about this. I think it will turn out really well when its all said and done. There is a little M- rated things that will happen but they wont get too bad. It'll be more angst and more romance then that. Basically, it'll be a love triangle thing sorta going on. These will become longer as well. If anyone believes they can edit stories of mine soon please message me, it would help sometimes. I do not own Free! or the characters used. Enjoy.**

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><p><em>Dear Makoto,<em>

_Hey, I have seen you in a while and you know how I feel about phones so I thought I'd just write instead. You've probably been too busy packing for your apartment in Tokyo with your parents anyway, they'd probably want to help instead of friends. They're going to miss you. The team is really going to miss you. Nagisa has these random bursts of blubbering because of two things: you leaving and school ending. Either way, it's getting gross. Recently, Gou has been doing it lately too, so it's getting really really gross. I think she's starting to worry about me because she's been telling Rin- since you're busy- to come over to my house. Mostly to make sure that I haven't drown in the bath or had a heat stroke._

_Or make sure I've eaten. Or if I've gotten enough sleep. Or to make sure I'm going to the last week of school. Most likely I've done none of that. But I have been bathing regularly, so everyone is thankful for that. Rin's been working on his "Makoto impression" but it's not spot on yet. He's been trying really hard at it. He rolls his eyes and tongue too much at whatever I do._

_I'm going to miss seeing you in the morning to tell me I'm late for something I don't care about and then sigh while I make breakfast. I don't think I'll forget that sigh. Rin's hands don't feel like yours when he pulls me out. His tendons don't stick out as much as yours do when I wrap my fingers around your knuckles. His hand is at least half the size of yours. They're wonderful. I'll miss that. I'll miss you._

_Wow, I forgot that this was just going to be a quick email about a party we were going to throw for you're going away tonight. Now it kinda sounds like a love confession, huh? And, well, maybe it is. Because I love yo_

Haru now stared at the screen. He stared at the unfinished pixelated phrase, so long, that it stared to hurt his eyes. He stretched an eyelid to relieve the pain for a brief moment. The_ send _ button started to mock him with the arrow hovering on it. Screaming at him to press it, saying over and over "_What have you got to lose?" _What did he have to lose? Makoto was leaving, when would he have another chance to say this to Makoto? To bring it up even. It would spare him the embarrassment of awkward silences that would be between them if he didn't send it.

He would go crazy if he had to always visit Makoto with a group of friends, so the air wouldn't be full of soft breaths and frustration. But the argument the _send _button gave back was "_What if he feels the same?" _Very good question to think about on Haru's part. That small and off chance that Makoto did feel the same. That sent warm shivers through Haru's body. A soft flutter almost. He groaned and pushed back on the desk to step away from the argument he was having with himself.

Haru was frustrated with himself, and why wouldn't he be? His best friend- who he hadn't seen in a week- that he had loved since they were young, was leaving to go to Tokyo. He felt like a teenage angst movie was happening in his body. He thought it was a good plot for it. He really wished Makoto would just stay closer to him, Haru didn't want the memory of how Makoto used to look when he was with him. Next time he'd see Makoto, he'd look more mature, more sculpted than he already was. Height might change, the wideness of his shoulders might extend. Change, was fearful.

All Haru wanted to see was a face she was familiar to, a voice he already knew, a body he could describe from his head to his toes. Maybe he was over thinking everything, he thought about over thinking constantly now. He thought it was weird that he thought about overthinking a lot. There was better things to overthink about than overthinking. Like deciding whether or not to finish that sentence and send this stupid freaking email. Haru really did think it was stupid he was taking so long for this. People like squealing girls with hearts in their eyes only take this long to decide on sending a confession. But girls like that only crush. Haru was in love, deeply, and he knew he was drowning in it.

He rolled back to his desk and just looked over the email again. Licking his lips in concentration, picking out any grammar or spelling mistakes. Making sure he wouldn't look stupid if he got the guts to actually send it. When he got down to the last sentence, it was hard to revise that, he only have to finish one word. One simple word, but added with that_ other_ word (love) it made the whole letter more complex than it needed to be. In the end, he added that "_u". _

Haru reached his hand over to the mouse, the arrow right on top of the button. Now it chanted "_do it, do it" over_ and over. Haru swallowed, ignoring its voice he made up in his head, he checked the information in the email now to waste time. The time was four forty-six, the date July sixteenth, the "_to" _bar read _makoto. tachibana hotmail. com __ . _The "_from" _bar read _haruka .__ nanase hotmail . com_Everything was right for the descriptions, now Haru's fingers trembled on the left mouse click.

He raised a finger.

"Hey, Haruka," Haru sighed at the voice and knock. Rin. "Are you ready yet? We still have to set up for the party."

"Yeah," Haru replied. "Just let me send Makoto the time and I'll be out in a second."

"Why didn't you do that earlier? Really it wouldn't have taken long."

"Get off my case and I'll be out there."

"Whatever," An eye roll could be heard in his voice "Don't take forever, people are waiting."

Haru lowered his eyes and exhale deeply. His finger pressing down hard on the back space button. He started to retype.

_Dear Makoto_,

_Hey, we're celebrating you going to college and Tokyo tonight at six. It's at Nagisa's place. Can you make it? I need to know if we have to change the time. _

It was easy to press send, but the button just shook its head.

"_You blew it."_

A chime came though the speakers. A new message popped up, it was from Makoto. Haru opened it.

_Haru,_

_That sounds fine by me. I just got everything in boxes, I need a party. Ha, I'll be there, can't wait to see you and everyone else! Thanks, you guys are really nice. Later!  
><em>

"Haru-Chan!" Nagisa called with his arms open. "You're finally here! What took you guys so long?"

"Rin wanted to walk instead of riding the bus."

"Don't act like I made us late, it was _you _who said that it was too hot to ride the bus," Rin bumped Haru's arm. "Don't blame me for suggesting we walk."

"It's okay, you guys don't need to fight about this, Rei-Chan is in the living room with Gou-Chan. They're setting up food, come in."

The two walked in, Rei closing the door behind them as they slid their shoes off.

"I swear, he's the only one who says 'Chan' more than shojo girls in manga." Rin mumbled to Haru.

"I didn't know you read girl manga." Haru replied.

Rin curled his lip up to flash his teeth and started to shuffle away from Haru. "As if."

A small laugh whistled out if Haru's nose as he followed Rin into the living room. Gou was standing on a chair, her toes probably starting to ache from being stood on. Her body wobbling with balancing her stretched out leg while she hung up streams that reached the wall. Papers of pale blue and yellow. Rei was on the ground, surrounded by different shapes of blown up balloons with a small helium tank sitting under his feet with strings attached. Rei looked up at the boys towering above him, he smiled and tied the balloon end and stepped it under his foot on the ground.

"Gou, your brother and Haruka is here!" Rei called.

"I told you guys countless times!" Gou snapped. Almost falling from the chair "It's Kou! _Kou_."

After Gou had the steams set up (crooked) she hopped down from the chair, giving a wide, sweet smile to both her brother and Haru. She wore blue jeans, a white shirt and a sickly yellow cardigan. She complained it got too cold in Nagisa's house constantly in the summer. Nagisa argued back "_Rei- Chan loves it cold, complain to him about it."_

Gou came up to Rin and hugged him, Rin hovered his arms over Gou's back. "Thank you for picking up Senpai, Rin."

"Yeah, no problem." Rin replied.

"Lay off the 'senpai' and the 'chan'" Haru added.

"Oh yeah, sorry, sorry."

Gou pulled away from Rin leaning close to Rin's ear. Rin having to lean down for him to hear what she was saying. Haru couldn't hear them, and that was the point. He supposed it was something about him.

"_Where was he when you found him_?" He thought Gou would say. "_The bath again?"_

Rin leaned down with Gou standing up.

"_No, no_. _His room," _Rin would say. "_He seems like he's okay. He's gotten better I think anyway."_

He was better, well, better than he was a few weeks ago. He started to gain back the small amount of muscle he lost from lying in bed, not fixing meals as often as he should have. His skin giving off this sour smell with his hair sticking together from not bathing. The school was close to calling about Haru missing so many days of school in a row. He never answered his phone. Rarely opening the door for anyone. It was like he was shriveling out of existence. To become a crust shell of himself, with the sound of Makoto's shouts entwining with his pounding in his mind. Like an angry chorus battling for the stage. Good thing Rin knocked on the door one day to tell him he reeked and if he'd been crying.

He had, but that wasn't the point, now, he had gotten better. But he still wasn't _better _better yet.

"Rin-Chan, can you help me set out food?" Nagisa asked. "Haru-Chan, can you help Rei-Chan with the balloons?"

"Just Haru, Nagisa."

"Whatever, can you just do it?" Nagisa whined

"Yeah I can do it."

"Great! Come on Rin-Chan! Let's get out food!"

Nagisa pulled on Rin's flannel, dragging him into the kitchen. "Can you not add that to my name either?"

"What?! You too?! You've been hanging around Haru-Chan too long!"

"It's gotten annoying."

"I'm not annoying!"

Their voices turned into muffled arguments as they went to the kitchen. Getting whatever goodies that they could stuff their faces later in. Gou sighed and went with them, referring the two. Haru rolled his eyes, when they looked forward, a translucent blue balloon was in his face. Rei stood with a smile.

"Here, we need to start tying these up." Rei said.

Haru nodded. "Yeah, sure," He said grabbing the string. "Where do you want it?"

"Where do you want it?" Rei asked.

"It looks like water."

Rei shook his head. "Nagisa said we could put them anywhere so it doesn't matter."

"Okay then."

Rei turned back, picking up the little weight he made to keep the balloons from floating to the top and started to tie a red balloon on an end table. Haru checked the clock. Five twenty-two. Haru didn't think of it as how much time he had left to see Makoto, only thought about have odd that time was for him to wait. He closed his eyes, another stupid thing to over think about. He looked around the room to see where he wanted the balloon. Or rather, where he wanted Makoto to spot that blue water balloon.

Six fifteen. That's what the clock read. Slowly the quick second-hand worked its way passed the twelve. Now, six sixteen. Everyone sat cross legged on the floor, a bored look on all their faces. Sulking in the pool of no amusement, being inpatient, and the fear that they got blew off.

Rin sighed and pressed his screen with his thumb. "He's still not answering his phone." He said

Nagisa's cheek was smooshed on the glass. He groaned and flung his head up. "Aaaaargh! Where is he?!"

"It's only fifteen minutes. There might be traffic?" Gou said, faintly.

"Why isn't he answering?" Nagisa whined.

"Left his phone at home, maybe?" Rei suggested.

"Why would he do that?"

"Maybe something happened." Rin muttered.

Something happening? Nothing would happen to Makoto. Would it? No, Makoto was untouchable, he was broad and tall, nobody, not even the world, messes with broad tall guys. Still, the thought worried Haru, he started biting his thumb nail. Thinking of the situation he was in.

On the bus ride, the bus got hijacked by vigilantes and was holding everyone at gun point. When he was crossing the street someone kidnapped him and now he's tied up so he can't get the phone. His parents probably have ransomed letter by now. Or the bus was late and he forgot his phone.

Overthinking. Overthinking. Overthinking. Haru should have just stopped thinking all together. It would hurt less if he did.

"I need to get some fresh air." Haru said getting up from the floor. No one protesting his want.

Haru went to the door and turned the knob fast with his wrist. He flung it open, and to his surprise, his eyes were met with glowing leafy green eyes filled with astonishment from the door opening. Shielded by thin glass on a smooth face. His face started to relax and his lips curved up.

"Hey." Makoto said.

"Hi." Haru said back.

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><p><em>So I hoped you enjoyed. Follow, favorite, and review if you did. See you next update.<em>


	2. Glasses

**Hey guys! New chapter is up super fast because I couldn't help but writing this. I really like how it'll come along. I hope you'll like it too. And I just thought that first chapter was so short it was driving me crazy. This is a little better. I do not own Free! or the characters used. Enjoy.**

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><p>There was Makoto. Late, still wearing glasses, a shirt button wrong and messy hair. But he was Makoto and he was here. Giving his warm smile that hugged Haru. A Makoto smile.<p>

"Sorry I got here late," Makoto said trying to look in the living room to see who was there. "Is everyone already here?"

"Oh, uh, yeah. Come in."

Haru stepped to the side to make room for Makoto to pass. Already hearing the jeering of friends when Makoto tucked back his shoes. Like he was a parade float that came in last, but when it came, its amusement hit everyone hard. Already, Haru couldn't stop himself to find the differences on Makoto. His hair was always messy (this was messier), that didn't change. The glasses on his face were different. Usually he'd wear them to read or see something far away, not just wear them to wear them. Despite his uneven buttoning, he had a blue denim shirt and olive green pants. That was normal. Just those glasses; they were really bugging him.

"Mako-Chan! Why haven't you been answering your phone?!" Nagisa said, hopping to his feet.

"Sorry, I'm only fifteen minutes late," Seventeen. "I didn't think you'd worry so much, I just left it at home. I was in a rush to catch the next bus."

"You look like you were really rushed," Gou said "You didn't even fix your hair or button your shirt properly."

"Oh!" Makoto looked down at his chest. "Heh, I guess you're right."

"What were you doing that made you late?" Haru asked.

"Isn't it obvious," Nagisa said with a smirk. "He must have been at some girls' house doing dirty things."

Of course it was a tease, and everyone laughed at it. Of course Makoto tried to refute the tease. Haru couldn't see it as a tease. If it was said earlier, maybe second year of high school, Haru could have rolled his eyes at the comment. But this was next-semester-is-college years, and Haru saw it as something in the future. Makoto could find a girl, a petite, long haired, curved girl that would laugh at all his jokes and smile at him the same way Makoto would when they saw each other. Where his hair and clothes were screwed up _because_ of that girl. Haru could already see it, his arm around her waist, his lips pressed on hers, and his flawless hands touching her body.

It made Haru's stomach do flips. He rolled his eyes and shut the door like what he would normally do, coming back in the living room. Makoto, trying to make his real statement on why he was late.

"Ren and Ran asked if I could read them a story they had been reading in class," He started to explain. "They've been clingy a lot lately so I said I would. I kinda got really into the story and we all sorta fell asleep. I didn't wake up till six so I hurried to get ready on not miss the next bus."

"Ah, that explains the glasses," Nagisa said, poking the brim. "It's not good to sleep in your glasses Mako-Chan."

"I'll be fine," Makoto sniffed the air. "Did you guys get pizza?"

Nagisa shook his head with a wide smile. Rei stood by Nagisa. "We were waiting for you to get here to eat it." Rei said.

"I'm starving, thanks for getting food. Sorry for the wait." Makoto replied.

"I'll start getting slices ready, then." Gou called, already walking to the kitchen.

"I want two slices." Rin said, starting to walk.

"I want at least five to start with." Nagisa said with laughs.

"Your stomach will explode, it's physically impossible for a person your size to handle that much food." Rei said.

"Just you watch!"

Everyone started to follow her like ducklings mimicking their mother. Licking their lips and smacking their hands together. Haru was the only one out who stayed in the living room. He waited for more people to come out of the kitchen before he came and got his food. Nagisa was the first out, a paper plate slowly dipping from the weight of the stacked slices as he munched on an extra piece in his hand.

Rei came out second, sitting beside Nagisa backing away as he chomped between multiple pieces. It was pretty fascinating. Rin, the third came out sat close to a wide window, almost on the sill. Haru thought the kitchen was cleared out enough to finally head in for pizza. He started to walk towards the entranceway of the kitchen, starting to hear voices.

"Honestly, you really could have tried to button your shirt better." Gou said, faint and a far.

"Heh, sorry, I really wanted to get on that next bus to see everyone. I haven't been out much since I've had to pack."

Haru stayed close to the frame, not entering the kitchen yet. Seeing Gou start to unbutton the tops of Makoto's shirt. Haru swallowed, his hand curled on the frame. He tried making his breathe faint, unsure on why he'd spy on them.

"We're glad you could make it. None of us had seen you in a while from packing." Gou said.

"I'm glad I could too, I needed to get out," Makoto replied. "In the summer, you guys can come and visit any time. You can see my apartment." He smiled

He smiled that Makoto smile at her.

"That'd be nice, I'll have to get a house warming gift," Gou started to evenly button back up Makoto's shirt. She looked at Makoto's chest while he looked down at her. "Everyone is going to miss you, yeah know?"

"I know, I'll miss everyone too."

"Haru has been taking you leaving pretty hard."

"Yeah," He paused. "I know."

Makoto didn't need to be told Haru was taking it hard, everyone could see that he was. Haru was good at masking his face to show he was "_recovered_" but it was still easy to catch. The way his words came out lower when he spoke now, how everywhere he went he always said it was too crowded. How seeing Makoto with glasses was fucking bugging him. He still didn't know why, that was an easy thing no one saw.

"There, that's better," Gou said, patting Makoto's chest and taking her own plate. "Excuse me."

Gou started to walk out of the kitchen, almost with this embarrassed flushed look on her face with Haru walking in now. Haru could see why she was embarrassed now with a better view. She messed up on two more buttons.

"Go- Kou- you know you made it worst, right?" Haru asked while she passed him.

"I know…" Gou said with her head down. "I got too excited."

"Excited about what?"

"Collar bones. Makoto has amazing collar bones and my hands got a little bit shaky."

They could hear Makoto chuckle in the back, Gou softly gasped and blushed. Knowing Makoto knew now.

"Please excuse me." She quickly said and started to walk fast with her head still down.

Haru closed his eyes and shook his head, walking into the kitchen now. He looked up to see Makoto staring at him with those happy droopy eyes. Looking at Haru in a way everyone wants to be looked at, but that's how Makoto always saw people. With the kindness and care like everyone he encountered were made of glass.

"Does she really like my collar bones that much that her hands fumble?" Makoto said with a small chuckle.

"She likes boy bodies in general, she could tie your shoes and she'd have them in knots."

Makoto lightly laughed. It was probably true. "I guess you're right about that one. Do you want to try it?"

"What?" Haru asked "Button your shirt?"

Makoto nodded. "I can make us a plate while you do it."

Haru's hands were already moving at his side, fidgeting with the air in need of doing something. And the sound of his hands doing something for Makoto sounded perfect. Haru started to walk towards Makoto to the counter, filling up the space where Gou used to stand. The space had to stretch and widen to fit Haru. He started to pop off buttons from Makoto's shirt, seeing little glimpse of Makoto's sun kissed skin.

"Thank you." Makoto said, setting slices on a plate.

"No problem." Haru replied

It didn't take long for silence to lace the room. Like a cloud was growing, quicker and becoming a darker grey every second. It wasn't bad, just looked gloomy. After Makoto was finished and Haru starting to button the shirt back up, Makoto stared down at Haru. He licked his top lip slightly, thinking of words to say.

"I'm sorry I haven't seen you much these couple of weeks." Makoto opened his mouth.

Haru didn't look up. "It's fine," He replied. "You've been busy, I understand."

It didn't seem like it, but it was a struggle for Haru to think of safe words to tell Makoto. Some type of words that wouldn't show his feelings. _Real _feelings anyway. Words that wouldn't make him worry or distress him, _I understand_ were the safest words he knew.

"I heard you were pretty bad for a while."

"Haven't you heard that I'm better now?" Haru stopped moving his hands on a button. "I'm fine now, Makoto. We don't need to talk about how I was."

"I'm sorry I made you feel like that though."

"Can we stop talking about this?" Haru buttoned the last button. "I'm not in the mood."

Makoto sighed though his nose. "Yeah of course."

Haru could tell that he was acting testy. Putting up invisible barriers on the touchy subject. Makoto tried his best to make eye contact with Haru.

"You know that I'm going to miss you right?"

Why did he put a question mark at the end of the sentence? He just wanted Haru to answer it maybe, but this wasn't multiple choice. More like a true or false. Haru nodded his head.

"You can visit me whenever."

Haru nodded.

"I can come and see you too if you want."

Haru finally opened his mouth. "You don't have to do that, it's out of your way." Haru looked up at Makoto. Makoto's face, confused.

"Haru?"

Haru put his head back down. He couldn't get over that look. "I can just visit you. It's not like I'm going anywhere."

"I though yo-"

"I said it's fine," Haru interrupted "I want to see your apartment more often anyway."

"Well, okay, if that's what you want."

Makoto sounded like he would look somewhat hurt. Haru couldn't tell, he hadn't looked at him again.

"Haaaaaaaru-Chaaaaaaan, Maaaaaaakoooo-Chaaaaaan, come out of there!" Nagisa shouted

A small chuckle came from Makoto. Still, that hint of sadness stuck in the laugh. Haru let go of Makoto's shirt and started to walk.

"We should go back." Haru said.

"Hey, wait," Makoto said, grabbing Haru's wrist gently. "If you don't want me to come visit you, will you text me and call sometimes?"

"You know I don't like phones."

Makoto sighed in frustration. "Then email or send a letter. Something, I still would like to stay in touch, yeah know?"

"I'll email, okay?" Haru chose. Ripping his wrist away from Makoto's hand. "Now we have to go."

Makoto caught Haru's shoulder this time. "Every week?"

Writing Makoto an email every week, a paragraph or two. That wasn't hard. Just to summarize a week, reporting his condition, updates in his life. Then receiving the same back that was easy. But the details within the description would be the hard part. While Haru's would be the same routine with a missing, giant piece out of it would be his written responses. Makoto's, however, would be bursts of something different. Things like: _We're learning really cool stuff this week, I found a new band from my classmates, I met new people and had forgotten all about you and you blew telling me how you felt. _That last though was really hard to think about. For Makoto, if it was what he wanted, he could bear it.

"Every week," Haru responded "Can you let go of me already? We need to get out there before they think we died."

Makoto only gave a smile that- if it had a taste- it would taste like sugar and let go of his grip on Haru's shoulder. Haru breathed out of his nose when he looked at Makoto. Makoto tilted his head.

"What is it?" He asked

"I can't look at you when you've had your glasses on for this long."

"Oh, I totally forgot I still had them on," Makoto said, taking off his glasses and folding them in his breast pocket. "I didn't know they bothered you. Is this better?"

"Better."

"You forgot your pizza."

The party was slowly coming to a halt after the second hour. Nagisa felt drowsy after an hour from all the pieces of (six) pizza, so he crashed on Rei's lap. Rei didn't mind, he stroked Nagisa's hair like a lap dog and continued having a conversation with Gou and Makoto. He had a soft spot for Nagisa when he was quiet and sleepy like that.

Gou and Rei asked Makoto constant questions about Tokyo and Makoto's part in it. Where was his apartment, what the college name was again, and when he could start visiting back here? It was like an interrogation Haru or Rin didn't want to be a part of. The two stood against the wall, Rin's foot on the wall with his hands in his pocket. Haru simply leaned against the wall zoning out from the laughter and questions.

"Makoto seems like he's having a good time." Rin commented

"Seems like it." Haru replied

"How yeah feeling lately, Haruka?"

"Everyone has been asking that a lot," Haru sighed. "I feel alright. I'm fine." His voice, annoyed.

Rin shrugged. "Okay, okay, I won't press you on it."

"Thank you."

Basically, he wasn't going to tell Haru he was worried. He was. Everyone was. But Rin was the only one who treated everything that was going on for the past few weeks that things could go back to normal. That Haru was acting the way he always had, stamping it as normal. Haru liked that about Rin.

"Have you thought about the scholarship?" Rin asked.

"No, I already said I didn't want to go," Haru bluntly said. Glancing over at Rin. "I told you, I don't want to go to a school in Australia."

"Yeah, yeah, all about freestyle this and freestyle that," Rin waved his hands as he spoke. "Whatever, I just thought I'd ask. Everyone has been talking about college a lot."

"Your point of bringing it up is?"

"Well, I thought I'd tell you about another offer."

"Another school offer?" Haru asked. Rin nodded. "Not interested."

"Hear me out, Haruka," Rin started. "It's not one out of the country or anything like that. Another college here talked to me about joining their team- just the team. No pro- and they said they'd like someone like you to be on their team too."

_Too?_

"I thought you were going out to train at the college in Australia."

"I have. I put it on hold until I told you about this offer."

"Wait, you're telling me you put the school you've been wanting to go to, to train to become professional. Just because you want me to join this college's team?"

"That's what I'm saying."

"Are you freaking crazy?"

Rin grinned his thorny smile and tilted his head back on the wall. Running his fingers through his lush bangs.

"I don't know," He turned his head. "Is it crazy that I want what's best for you?"

"Why do you think _that _school would be better for me?"

"Because I know you want go to school and be able to stay close to everyone. To Makoto, more like it."

A lump grew in Haru's throat. Even when other people said his name it kinda hurt. "Why would you care about that?" Haru muttered.

"Because I'm your friend. I'm supposed to care, you might not like it but it's what I do."

"I shouldn't."

"Why not?"

"I'd just be messing up what you want to do with your life. I don't want to do that to you just because you care about my wellbeing. I couldn't live with myself if I did that."

"You wouldn't be messing my life if you did," Rin's tone shifted. "I can still train, I can get better if I go to that school. You can get better, and you'll still stay here. You'll have me, everyone else, Makoto would be close and nothing would be messed up."

Haru took a minute to process. Nibbling his lip over and over. He could tell Rin was pushing this idea on him, wanting him to take it home with him to rest on it. He was doing a lot for Haru by doing this, he was asking a lot too.

"Why are you doing all this for me?"

Rin took both of his hands from his pockets and turned his whole body towards Haru. His fiery eyes starting to dim and look soft.

"I want to try and make you happy like you were before."

Happy. Happy sounded really nice to Haru. Perfect really, everyone else looked happy, Makoto looked happy. Haru wanted to be happy, and even though he loves Makoto, he had to know it would be one- sided. There was no way Makoto could feel the same, that tight feeling in his chest. The flutters in his body, the warmth in his cheeks. Makoto did love Haru, but it wasn't the same thing Haru felt. If he couldn't find happiness in that he'd look somewhere else. And Rin was giving him a good start.

"No pro. Only a team?" Haru asked

"No pro. Only a team."

"I stay in Japan?"

"You stay in Japan."

"You'll be there with me?"

"I'll be there with you."

Haru swallowed. "Are you sure you really want to do this? Just for me? Think about yourself."

"It's not just for you, and I have thought about myself. Gou won't get off my back about checking up on you every fucking minute. Now I'll be able to keep an eye on you while working on my future." Rin gave a smirk.

Haru did a small half smile. "Well, if you say it will help you out. Then I guess I can try it."

"You can think about it longer if you want. Winter semester doesn't start until September."

A loud laugh from everyone in the sitting circle boomed in the room, making Haru and Rin flip their heads to see what was going on. Everyone was smiling, Haru focused on Makoto and his laughing mouth. He looked happy. Haru wanted that.

"No," Haru said. "I've deicide I'll go. It's what I want."

_Dear Makoto,_

_Looks like both of us get to go to college after all. I wonder who will have better stories to tell. Me or you? The race is on._

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><p><em>So I hope you enjoyed. Follow, favorite and review if you did. Helps me out a lot. See you next update.<em>


	3. Jam

**Hey guys! New chapter! So I know if you guys follow my other stories they're running a little late than normal but blame high school not me. I hope you guys like the story so far. I do. I don't own Free! or the characters used. Enjoy.**

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><p><em>Dear Makoto,<em>

_So I hope when you get this you'll have your computer unpacked or you've checked your phone on the ride to see what Tokyo has. Either way, I hope you'll get it soon when you're at your apartment. How is your place? You didn't really describe it to me, you told Gou and Rei mostly because they talked your ear off about it. But you didn't say anything at all to me about it. Are the ceilings going to be tall enough for you? You know you need tall ceilings or else you'll get a slouch from trying not to bump your head. Are the halls wide for you to fit through? One bed or two? One bathroom or two? Why do I keep asking you stupid questions about your apartment?_

_Well, I'll stop right now. I guess I'll just see it when I visit you sometime soon this summer. I think this summer will be really nice, the sun has been out all week and it makes the water perfect. Maybe when I see you we can go swimming if we can find a pool. Or we don't have to, I just want to see you. It's already kinda lonely without you._

_Did I tell you Rin got me a scholarship? Well, I can't have since this is the first email I'm sending. It's not the one in Australia so I don't have to move or anything. He's coming with me so that's nice, I'll have someone there by me. Oh yeah, he's not going back to Australia either. You could probably tell by now. We're going to be on a swim team together so it's like nothing really changed for us. Well, between me and Rin anyway. He's been really sincere to me about everything going on._

_Okay, well I have to go. Last day of school, I should get ready for it. Oh, I've been eating, drinking and bathing regularly. I'm fine, just thought I tell you before you asked. I'll see you whenever you're free._

Haru sent the email and backed away from his desk. He already broke his promise to Makoto about emailing a week. He did it within the first two days. He just wanted to look at his inbox after school, tiered from hearing sobs and last minute announcements, to come home and see in his inbox he had an email that would read:

_Makoto._

That would be nice to see. Something that made it seem true that Makoto wanted to talk to Haru. Not just saying he wanted to, to make Haru feel better. People had been doing something like that lately. Haru stood up from his computer chair and headed towards his closet. Opening the door and taking out a slick swimsuit that was the most recently clean and draped it on his forearm. Sliding the door to the bathroom open and starting to run a bath for the end of the year.

After that, Haru wouldn't have to worry about being late for school, or swim club. He might miss that though, because he knew no one would have to pull him out so they can just have a conversation with him. Haru slipped his snug suit on his legs after the water warmed and stopped the faucet from running. He stepped his foot in, the first second burning, and got used to the feel.

Water soon caressed his body, concealing him in a puddle of clear glass. Arms of liquid around his waist and legs. The best hugs he ever had. Keeping him warmed and cozy, comforting almost in the bath. He closed his eyes and let his chin dip down in the water, his lips almost tasting it. Usually, his mind would be thinking loosely about anything and everything. The way the water felt, the past, future, projects due, dates to remember, nothing was off limits. But now, now he was just blank.

Brain not moving how it always had when he was alone in the bathroom. It was odd, he thought this would be the place he'd overthink the most. Maybe it was a good thing that he wasn't overthinking here, if his favorite place was tainted with negative thoughts from all the change, he would probably never bathe again. So he stayed submerged, never letting a thought pass.

"Haruka? Are you okay?"

The first voice he heard that morning, made him scrunch his eyes because it meant he had to get out. Haru opened his eyes and sat up, water beading down his chest and turned his head. Rin was bent over with his hands in his pockets.

"Jeez, I thought you died for a second." Rin said, standing up

"What are you doing here?" Haru asked.

"Gou asked me if I could check on you before I went to school. So I said I would."

"Well, I'm going to school. Thank you."

"You're welcome," Rin said "Now get out of the bath."

Haru shifted his eyes towards Rin and brought his knees to his chest. Lowering his body back in the water.

"In a minute. You can leave and go to school now."

"If I leave you won't get out."

"Yes I will."

"Me and you both know that's bullshit," Rin replied. "Here," he led out his hand for Haru to grab. "Get out."

This scene seemed familiar. Already a late morning, Haru refusing to get out of the tub, and a hand hanging in the air for Haru to grab onto. Only thing missing was a smile, Rin wasn't really going to do that last one. Haru sighed and gripped Rin's hand, Rin squeezed back. His fingers tight around Haru's knuckles and started to pull him from the tub. Droplets of water drifting off his body made small splashes. Rin's hand stayed on Haru's even when he was up, he pulled away slowly and got a towel off Haru's rack.

Rin tossed it, Haru caught it.

"Dry yourself off and get dressed to go to school. You'll be late."

Rin's body was turn from Haru, it wasn't that bad to see. Haru really liked having someone to see in the morning, sure it was a change on who it was, but it wasn't like it was horrible. Just different. Rin had caught Haru staring at him and cocked an eyebrow.

"What?" Rin asked

"Hmm?" Haru hummed, oblivious. "What do you mean what?"

Rin sighed and walked forward to Haru, scratching the back of his head. "Unbelievable," Rin said taking back the towel and draped it over Haru's head. "You're worse than First Years."

Haru slightly parted his mouth and winced at Rin who was drying his hair. "What's that supposed to mean?" Haru said and pushed Rin's hands away. "I can dry myself, thank you."

Rin stepped away with his hands up. "Sorry, you're moving slow and you were staring into space."

"Is that how you deal with First Years? Take care of them?"

"Sometimes," Rin replied. "They're always pissing their pants and pulling their hair because of the stress they think they're under that they never get anything done. I had to do things the First Years forgot to do when I was on the team."

Haru sighed and stepped out on the bath tub, finishing up drying his hair and lowered it to his neck. He passed Rin on his way to the door.

"I can take care of myself." Haru muttered and opened the bathroom door.

Rin rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I'm not saying you can't," Rin said, following Haru out. "I'm just saying it's okay to have a little help now and then."

"Lately you've been coming over a lot instead of now and then."

"If my sister would get off my back I'd only come now and then," Rin looked in hallway at the walls. Once Haru went into his room he leaned on the door frame. "And it wouldn't be a check- up it would be a visit."

"Yeah, sure, okay, don't blame Gou for everything," Haru said in a rush tone and stood with the door slide in his hand. "Now that you've done your check- up you can leave and visit me next time."

"Hey wait do you wa-"

Haru slid the door closed and turned his back. Hearing Rin groan as he went away from the door, Haru thinking that he was giving up. He didn't think it was a good thing to do, push people away that is. That was another thing that was occurring a lot. Telling people to piss off, that he was fine, and clearly it hadn't been working well since no one would leave him alone. Maybe because they saw he really wanted someone with him, or they wanted to feel like they were helping.

Haru started to button up his school shirt and tuck it in his slacks. He put his spotted tie between his collar and started to loop the tie. Sliding the door open with his foot and stepping out in the hall, the sound of grease popping. He tilted his head and walked in the kitchen, the smell of grilling fish over powering.

Rin was humming softly and pushing mackerel as it cooked. Haru cocked an eyebrow and walked closer to Rin.

"I thought I told you to go to school, what are you doing here?"

Rin turned his head. "Well, before you rudely cut me off, I was gonna ask if you wanted me to make breakfast. You still eat mackerel before school, don't you? Nagisa and Gou told me you do."

"Well yeah, but I usually make it myself."

"You're late so I thought I'd make it while you were getting ready."

"But now you're late too," Haru pointed out and looked over Rin's shoulder. "Get that piece off."

"I'll get it," Rin snapped and sat it on a plate he had out. "I know how to cook fish."

"Let me finish it, you have to go to school." Haru started to butt in on Rin cooking, Rin elbowed back.

"I'm not gonna mess up on your precious mackerel, jeez," Rin groaned. Rin finished up cooking and placed the pieces on a plate. Handing Haru the plate with a tilting smile. "Besides, we can be late together."

Haru looked up at Rin ad saw he smile on his face. It was sharp, a tad crooked, and it made Rin scrunch up his nose at the brim. But it was meaning full, it was fitting, and it was only for Haru. It was a smile Haru had remembered well from when they were younger. It hadn't changed at all.

It made Haru squeeze the rim on the plate. "Are you wanting to eat with me?" Haru asked

"I planned on it," he said back. "But I made toast, I can't have fish this early in the morning like you can." The toast popped out of the toaster, crumbly and brown.

Haru shrugged and went over to the living room and sat the plate on the table. "I guess you're right. It has protein though." Haru stated, coming back in the kitchen.

"Yeah, and a gross after taste," Rin started to look in the cabinets. "Do you have any jam?"

"It's in the cabinet to the left of the one you're looking in. Second shelf."

Rin went to the directed shelf and grabbed the jar. Wrinkling his nose at the label and contents inside.

"Only strawberry?"

"It's either strawberry or mackerel. It's your choice on what you have for breakfast."

Rin groaned and closed the cabinet with the jar in his hand. "You should start getting grape."

"I'm not having you decide what I get on groceries because you came over for breakfast once."

"You're even difficult to have breakfast with. You're so cold. What if I want to have breakfast with you again?"

"Looks like you'll still have to settle with strawberry."

Rin flashed teeth and started to scrap jam on his toast. Putting his food on a plate, walking towards Haru. He smirked at Haru.

"Are you saying that I'm allowed to have breakfast with you again?"

Haru lowered his eyes and turned away.

"Hurry up and eat. We're already late."

"That's not a no."

The last day of school really felt like it was the last day anyone would see anyone. When the last bell rang and people started to walk out of the cell of class rooms and already their noses running and goodbye smiles coming by with a wave. Girls mixing tears together on their cheeks from hugs they gave, high fives and 'congrats' given from boys like saying they succeeded on finishing school and a welcome to life. Haru was close to staying for a while to follow what the crowd was doing, pretending like buses didn't exist to take him to friends' houses during the summer. But he had a bus to catch, one that did exist and could take him home.

Haru did say goodbye to Rei, Nagisa, and Gou to not be rude. They understood and didn't pile on him and make him smell like salt water. Them asking if they wanted to see a film later tonight.

"Thanks, but no thanks. I think I'll just stay at home tonight." Haru declined

"Home? But why?" Nagisa whined

"I don't feel like being in a theater with a bunch of other people in the dark."

"Oh come on! You're being unreasonable!"

"I've heard that before." Haru muttered.

"We could go to one of our houses and it'll be just us." Rei suggested

"I'm good. You guys can go without me if you wanted."

"Not the same," Nagisa pouted. But, he let it go. "Fine, I guess we'll just see a film some other time. Come on guys we can still go."

Both Rei and Gou nodded. Rei starting to follow Nagisa but Gou keeping her feet planted. She flipped her head to Haru.

"Are you sure you don't want to come?"

"I'm sure."

"It'll be fun."

Haru looked at Gou, her pale red eyes that cared and strived for perfection reminded him so much of Rin's. He had to close his eyes because of the resemblance. It made him think what if Rin asked him to go out? Would he still stray away from the idea or because of how stubborn Rin was would he go? Haru just shook his head.

"No, I'm fine," Haru replied. "I just want to go home and relax."

"Don't stay in the bath all night please."

"I was thinking about a nap but okay I won't stay in the bath all night either."

Gou slightly laughed. "I'm sorry, I just assumed. I wouldn't want to ask my brother to check on you," She turned on her heel "I'll see yea."

"Hey, wait," Haru called. Gou turned back. "Why don't you just check on me instead of asking Rin?"

Gou bit her lip and squeezed the handle of her bag. "Well… I never really ask Rin to check on you…" She admitted.

Haru eyes slightly expanded. Confused. "What? But he always sa-"

"My brother told me if I ever started to worry about you to tell him. Then he would see you," Gou interrupted.

"Why would he want to see me so often?"

Gou shrugged "I just think it's because he's closer to you than I am or something," Nagisa yelled for Gou to come back. She started to walk but kept her body towards Haru. "Maybe he cares about you, I have to go- guys! Wait up!" Gou started to catch up with the duo.

Cared? Rin never had to see Haru. He wanted to always see him, in the morning, on weekends, whatever he had, he dropped it to see him. Haru couldn't wrap his brain around it yet, Rin even said he was difficult. Haru just turned the other way and wait at the bus stop.

Haru's body kept shaking on the bus. Not from nerves but from the crooked wheels and bumps on the pavement. Also from his body being too bored to actually keep itself steady. His stop was always the last stop, keeping him lonely. Middle schoolers who blabbed about hot teens and single mothers who tried to block out the noise. Hoping their babies would never talk like them. He dug in his back pocket for his phone and pressed the home button to see the time. Instead noticing the notification saying:

_1 New Email._

Haru quickly slide his thumb on the screen to unlock the phone, quickly viewing the message. The sender was Makoto. He pressed the unseen message, the loading time was almost torture. But once all the characters were listed down, Haru could finally ready it.

_Haru,_

_Wow, already messaging me so early? So much for a week, huh? That's okay, I like seeing an email from you now so early. My apartment is nice, the ceilings are high (enough) for me. It has two rooms one bath. It's pretty wide in each room and it's pretty barren on the walls, no paint or pictures up yet for the description of my apartment. It'll look better when you visit sometime. (Those weren't stupid questions)_

_I'm glad that you're going to college, its great Rin did that for you. You'll be on a swim team again, like old times, eh? Even Rin will be with you like old times. You belong in the water, anyway. Don't worry, I'm already looking for nearby pools for us to go to in the summer. Don't ask me during winter holiday to take you to the pool!_

_I'm not worried about you. I'm sure you're doing just fine, it sounds like Rin and everyone else is keeping you close by. I hope you'll stay fine, too. Well, I have to food shop now. I want to see an email from you next week. Bye. Oh, tell everyone before you leave the school to tell them I said have a nice summer._

Haru pierced his lips together and kept glaring at his phone. A simple, friendly letter, and somehow Haru expected more. The bus came to a stop and jerked Haru's body, he stood up and locked his phone. Getting his bag and avoiding the hand holders above his head. Saying goodbye to the driver and hopping off the bus. The bus driving away. He was now really alone.

_Dear Makoto,_

_I know you wanted me to email you in a week but I couldn't help it. I wanted to talk to someone. You know how Gou had been telling Rin to check on me? Well, Gou hadn't been asking at all, Rin just comes over when she worries. What does it mean? I don't have a clue and it's really queer to me. Also, I couldn't tell everyone have a nice summer because I had to leave. People were acting like it was the end of the fucking world and they'd never see their friends again._

_I couldn't take it. You're actually gone, for the first time you're not close by and I can't see you anytime unlike other people. It hurts more than people understand; not seeing someone. Especially someone you love, and I love you a lot… And don't know what to do about it…_

Haru swallowed and deeply inhaled. He leaned back in his chair and ran his fingers in his hair. He couldn't send it. Haru could physically do that. He came back to the computer screen and clicked the exit button. Another box showed up. _ Do you want to save your work? Yes No_

Haru hovered the arrow over _yes_, the letter now in nonexistent for anyone else but Haru.

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><p><em>So I hoped you enjoyed. Follow, favorite, and review if you did. See you next update. Bye.<em>


	4. Late

**Hey guys! New chapter is up! I thought you guys should know- if you follow current stories- that I'll be back on my regular schedule again. Sorry for this short chapter. I don't own Free! or the characters used. Enjoy**

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><p><em>Dear Makoto,<em>

_I'm sorry about the last email. I just needed to vent or something and I remembered how you always wanted to hear my problems so, I just thought you wouldn't mind. It made me feel better if you wanted to know. I just had to get some things off my chest… and I'd knew you'd want to help. But you're not here. And I didn't even send the freaking email because I can't figure out if I should or not. It's sitting in drafts like a crumpled piece of paper I should toss but I can't._

_Is it nice in Tokyo still? I ask because maybe you've gotten over it already and you want to come back. Or maybe you miss me. But that's probably stupid to think. You want a new life and that's great, see new things. I understand. What am I saying? I don't want to get it, I never do, and I want you to just come back. You did say I could see you this week since you're settled in now. I hope you're well. I hope you'll think I'm well._

_Maybe I'll say something to you. Something I didn't make up._

A second, unsent, letter went to _drafts _once again. Now accompanied by an older piece done the other week. Also made for the same person who had left two weeks ago. Now, Haru had to make the actual letter he would send to Makoto. One that didn't show how he felt, enhanced what he was doing, and faking every bit of who he was now. That was the good thing about pretending who you used to be, because no one has seen you off stage. Haru was still playing the part of his former self, so far it seemed like it was going well.

No stutters in the script, no fumble from stage props, it seemed like the play was selling out every night. The dilation in his eyes didn't show any signs of concern. Lack of sleep hadn't sagged his skin and the pale complexion of color stayed the same. He was still primed and beautiful, sitting on a podium for the customers to ogle him until they noticed the cracks. But that didn't seem like it would happen anytime soon.

Haru cracked his fingers and stretched his hands above his head in a slight whine. Letting his eyes start to hurt again from the screen and have his fingers scanning the letters on the keyboard, having his fingers not tap any letters out. He still had to process words.

"Hey Haru," The thin door slid open and Rin stood in the doorway. "Are you in here?"

"Huh?" Haru looked back at Rin. "Yeah I'm here, why wouldn't I? Oh, wait," Haru turned back to look at the little time in the corner of the screen. "Crap."

Rin sighed and leaned on the frame. "You didn't forget about our plans right?"

"Rin, I'm sorry. I lost track of the time," Haru pushed out of his chair and hurried to his closet and pushed back clothes. "I'm almost ready, I just need a jacket."

"Its fine, don't sweat it, you were only supposed to meet me at the coffee shop at two and it's only," Rin looked at his wrist. "Oh yeah, three- thirty."

It was obvious Rin was pissed off, it was in his tone, stance, and facial expression. Haru didn't mean to let it slip his mind, he did actually think having caffeine in his system would be a good thing and to have someone enjoy his company, but he just had computer keys stuck to his fingers and digital letters on screen paper was a bigger priority. When he knew it shouldn't have been. Haru put on black hoodie over a white shirt and jeans, passing an angry Rin to get his shoes.

"Look, I'll buy to make it up to you, okay?" Haru said

Rin shook his head. "You'll need to do something better than that."

"Something better than a free drink and lunch?"

"Yep, I waited at that shop over an hour and looked like a freaking ass," Rin replied standing straight away from the fame to face Haru (who was hopping into his shoes) towards the wall. "Something better."

"That would be?"

After Haru had stomped into his pre-tied shoes and had his back up straight, the corner of his eye was met with Rin's hand. The tendons and bones shown in great detail under tight flesh. Rin smirked, all his pointed teeth aligned so perfect that it was almost horrifying. Haru felt like he was being pinned by a grinning shark, hungry for blood or limbs.

"After you visit Makoto on Thursday, you have to stay over at my place on Friday and spend the night."

It wasn't really better for Rin. Sure, Rin would like to spend more time than he already did, but it was more for Haru. It had been a long time since he actually spent the night at a friend's house. Did he even remember how to act at someone else's home? Make chit-chat with their family while the friend made up their room at the last minute, complement the mother on her food even when it was over cooked, and make sure you used all the hot water for your bath and wait for complaints. Only, Rin didn't live with his family so there was no one to ask how their summer has been going.

Rin started to rent a small apartment near the end of the school year. He didn't want to bother his mother and the stress of Gou's squeals and equal stubbornness would have drove him insane. He rented a cheap apartment, one bedroom, one bath, and a living-room- kitchen connected. Or, that's how Gou described it anyway. No one had really gone to Rin's house since he lived there, it was too new maybe, like virgin territory. Maybe knowing it would be lonely without a warm family embrace everyone was so used to, made everyone just want to listen to others experience. It took a while for people to stay over at Haru's.

Haru sighed and looked at Rin.

"I just have to stay over the night?" Haru asked

"Don't sound so sad about it. Jeez. Just the night."

Haru rolled his eyes and softly groaned. "Okay, fine," Haru agreed. "I'll stay to make it up to you."

"Alright," Rin pushed off the wall, his lips staying curled. "You are forgiven. Now come on, I'm dying for a coffee."

"Yeah, alright."

"You have enough money for both of us right?"

"Wait," Haru paused. "I'm still paying for both of us?"

"Well yeah, you said you'd pay to make it up for me."

Rin sipped his coffee, sticking his tongue out from the heat.

"Damn, that's hot." Rin groaned.

"Why even get a hot coffee in summer?" Haru asked. "And wait for your drink to cool."

"I like having coffee anytime. I can't have ice tea or something fruity with most of it being sugar like you can at a coffee shop."

"Its raspberry tea and I _did_ asked for it unsweetened, thank you."

Haru sipped his drink and chewed the end of his straw. The air was cool today, not as sticky as it had been lately. The wind sweeping through their hair and airing out their clothes. It was sunny, gleaming through long cotton clouds. It was nice, beautiful even.

"So you ready to see Makoto?" Rin questioned, swirling cream in his coffee.

Haru pulled his mouth away and blinked. "Uh, yeah, I'm ready."

"I wonder how he's doing," Rin said having his fist against his cheek. "You'll say hi for me won't you?"

Haru didn't reply, he just looked at the non-sloshed red liquid, dying ice cubes ruby. It was so still with zero movement, almost like he was. Back against the chair, eyes unblinking, hands in his lap and resembling the look of a polish doll. He wasn't really in the mood to talk about Makoto, and the idea about saying something about him made him paralyzed. Acting unreal was his defense mechanism that made his body forcibly turn off his brain.

Rin pointed to Haru's cup.

"Can I have a sip?"

Haru snapped out of it. "Huh?"

"A sip," Rin repeated "Can I try a little of your drink?"

"I thought you said you didn't like fruity drinks."

_Why is he asking for a drink? We were just talking about Makoto._

"I thought you said its raspberry and unsweetened," Rin mocked "Can I have a drink, yes or no?"

Haru scrunched up his shoulders and grabbed the drink by the lid, trying not to get poked by the straw.

"I don't care," Haru replied. "You can have some."

"Thanks," Rin took ahold of the plastic cup on held the straw between his fingertips. Sucking from the hole. His eyes widening from the tart tasted and pulled away. "Not bad."

"I wouldn't have gotten it if it tasted bad."

Rin shrugged. "You got me there," Rin drank his coffee to get the berry taste out of his mouth "How about school? Excited for that?"

"That's months away. I'm not ready to get excited for that yet."

Rin was pretty well at changing the subject. Haru didn't notice it, but he was really well at figuring out when someone didn't want to talk about something. At least Rin didn't ask _"hey, are you okay?"_

"You should start, it's not like you're starting a new year of high school. This is _college, _Haru," Rin emphasis "What do you even want to do?"

"Swim."

"You can't become a professional swimmer."

"You're going to."

"That's because I want to be. You just want to do it."

"There's no problem with that." Haru countered.

"It's a waste of a scholarship, Haru," Rin pinched the brow of his nose. "Seriously, Haru, think about it."

Haru rolled his eyes. "Okay, I'll think about it." He said, passively.

"You're acting like I'm your mom."

"You're the one acting like a mom."

"Am not," Rin snapped "I'm just concerned for your future."

"Did you _not _hear that mom- statement come out of your mouth?"

"Really though," Rin started, his palms on his cheek "What do you like? _Not _just swimming."

"Rin, I don't know," Haru ran his fingers tired through his hair "I like to read?"

"Write?"

"I always did well on writing assignments. I guess I like to."

"Well maybe you should start with English. You could always change if you don't like it the next semester."

"English?" Haru raised an eyebrow with his hand stretching his face. "Rin, I can't even speak English well. They'll make me translate and stuff. I don't want to do that again."

"It doesn't mean you shouldn't try it. Listen," Rin leaned his chest on the table. "It's something easy to do and it's not a big loss if you end up dropping it. It's a good start,"

Rin stood up from the table, his chair scooting with a screech on the concrete. Having his hands on the table.

"I'm gonna buy some vanilla scones," Rin said and looked down at Haru. "Do you want anything?"

"Um, I saw banana bread. How about that?" Haru suggested.

"Scones and banana bread," Rin put his hand in his pockets and turned back the entrance of the shop. "Got it."

"Hey, wait," Haru called and dug in his pockets. The door opened, only a women going inside. Haru pulled out his wallet. "I'm buying, remember?"

"I've got it, you bought the drinks. I can buy some food."

"Do you not understand what 'I'm buying' means?" Haru said picking out some bills. Handing them to Rin. "I'm making it up to you."

"Why do you care so much to make it up?" Rin tilted his head. "You've already paid for drinks and you said you're coming over. It's okay."

Rin was right. Why did Haru cared so much? It wasn't an obligation. Already Rin agreed on paying over something small. Yet, Haru still insisted. He just thought it was courteous for him to do. All Rin tried to do was help Haru, to treat him like a human and not a freaking sensitive alien that everyone else saw him. For a brief moment, even made him forget about Makoto. Haru shook his head.

"No," Haru muttered. "I've got it."

"How about this," Rin suggested and took the money. "You can get the bread and scones. When you come to my house I'll pay you back. Sound fair?"

Rin treated him equal. No special treatment. Somehow, Haru really enjoyed that.

"Sure. Fair."

_Dear Makoto,_

_Hey, Makoto. Well, more like hey drafts again. I don't know why I keep titling this 'Dear Makoto' I guess it just feels right. I just wanted to say something. I mean, it maybe weird to treat this as a diary. I don't know I just like typing out how I feel. Anyway, that doesn't matter, I need to get to the point already._

_I went to a coffee shop with Rin today and he asked about you since I'm going to see you soon. Of course I felt ambivalent to talk about you and I didn't like how he brought you up. But somehow, it's like he looked at me and understood how numb and conflicted I was. It was almost like magic that he got you off my mind. Only temporarily, but I'll take it over it never happening. What made it so crazy and unbelievable was that it was Rin who did it. Rin. _

_Shark bait, snarky, fire ball, Rin made me forget. That's what I don't understand. _

_I still love you. I really do, just because I'm able to let you slip from my mind doesn't mean that feeling is dying._

_Well, I get to see him after I visit you. And I'll actually get to see you. That beautiful smile. Pointed grins are all I've been seeing lately._

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><p><em>So I hoped you enjoyed. Follow, favorite, and review if you did. It helps me out a lot. See you next update.<em>


	5. Bus Sickness

**Hey guys! New chapter! So in this chapter, Sosuke is in it but I made it where Makoto and Haru hadn't met him but Rin has so it causes a lil jealousy but it's whatever I hope. I don't own Free! or the characters used. Enjoy.**

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><p><em>Dear Makoto,<em>

_First time in Tokyo, and I already don't like it._

_Sincerely, Haru._

Haru sighed and closed his email browser on his phone and pressed the lock button before putting it in his pocket. On the bus he had his bag sitting on his lap that jiggled whenever a wheel ran over a bump. He had just got on the next bus route to Makoto's house and already he was sick to his stomach. But that might have been from the bus connections and peoples' fragrances. Or seeing how beautiful and busy Tokyo looked in the summer. How bright it was even in the day how the people who walked on the street had somewhere to be. The new experience that Makoto was having, Haru now saw. He saw why Makoto wouldn't want to come back.

The driver signaled everyone with a flashing sign for the next stop, and for Haru, it was the last stop. The bus braked and sat motionless for everyone who had to get off to get their things together. Haru had the bags' strap across his chest and gave it a tug to secure it. He followed behind a young women who held her son's hand. The boy peeking behind her hip to smile a Haru, he didn't do the same back but he did wave.

Once he got off the bus, the bus went on its way and so did Haru. Seeing the apartment complex, tall and wide with balcony bars to make sure people didn't fall off in dreary mornings. If Haru remembered right, Makoto lived on the third floor in room 326. Haru entered the lobby, hearing the greeter say "Hello" at her desk but he said nothing back. He went to the silver doors of the elevator and pressed the top button, the light _dinged! _And the doors slid open, Haru stepped in and the doors closed when he pressed the third button. Leg jittering up and down with anticipation.

It seemed like it had been a lifetime since he'd seen Makoto even though Haru understood it had only been a few weeks since Makoto left. Haru hadn't thought about it much since Rin was around, he knew he'd stay. Rin wasn't going off anywhere like he used to, it was like the tables had turned. With Rin staying put and Makoto going in another direction. The chime of the elevator came again and opened to the outside of the apartments. Wind floated through his hair while he passed the doors. 320…322…325…326.

Haru stood in front of a faded red door, starting to become a dark pink for age. The gold lettering on the door shined with a small peephole above it. Haru breathed in and knocked on the door a few times. The knob jimmied and the door started to crack open, Haru tilted his head.

Instead of Makoto opening the door, grinning at Haru, it was someone entirely different. He had to be the same towering height as Makoto; maybe even a little bit taller. Short black hair, droopy turquois eyes and lips that curved up at Haru. Haru straightened up his stance.

"I'm sorry," Haru apologized. "I must have the wrong apartment."

Before Haru was about to leave in search for Makoto and for the guy to say something, Haru heard footsteps from the room. In the process, he got a glimpse of who he was looking for. Makoto widely smiled as he stepped towards the door. Haru's eyes glowed back.

"Makoto…" Haru softly said.

"Haru!" Makoto scooted in the doorway by the other guy. "You're early. It's great to see you again. Come in. Sosuke, this is Haru."

"Oh, this is _that _Haru," Sosuke said. "Nanase Haruka, right?"

Makoto hummed as he nodded his head. Sosuke turned his towards Haru and held out his hand.

"I'm Yamazaki Sosuke. Nice to finally meet you."

Haru couldn't say anything from how dry his mouth was. His mind completely blank, maybe from lack oxygen from trying to stay silent and even become invisible. Haru was unable to move his feet, Makoto had to shove him inside after the long pause. Haru cleared his head and came back.

"Hi," Haru replied, finally grabbing Sosuke's hand. His grip was too tight. "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise," Sosuke said, shaking Haru's hand.

Makoto smiled at both of them and started to quickly pick up things in the little room. When Haru first came to Makoto's house, he was greeted by a stranger instead of an old friend.

"Mako has said a lot about you." Haru let go of his hand.

"Oh," Haru muttered "That's nice."

"Sosuke was just helping me with a little prep work before you came over," Makoto said, stepping up beside Sosuke with his hand on his back. "Me and him will be going to the same college in the winter."

This guy was going to the same college Makoto was going to. Just lovely.

"That's great, it nice you have a friend while you're there."

"Well, I should get going," Sosuke said, walking to an open backpack and packing his things. Zipping up after he was done and slung it gently around his shoulder. "I don't want to impose on you guys or anything," He patted Makoto's back. "I'll see you around, nice to meet you again."

"Later, Sosuke." Makoto smiled, sweetly. As Sosuke walked out, smiling back at him and smirking at Haru.

Makoto softly exhaled and turned back to Haru. Haru's eyes were dim as they looked back at the gleam of green in Makoto's eyes.

"So you meet a friend?" Haru asked.

"Yeah," Makoto replied. "That's Sosuke, he lives a couple doors down and is going to study criminal justice in college. He's a really good guy. He even helped me move in."

Haru lightly smiled for a quick second. He didn't want to show any distress.

"He sounds like he is."

"He says he used to know Rin. They met in grade school."

"Rin?"

"Yeah, they used to be really good friends, I think they just had a falling out maybe."

A fall out. Between friends who had known each other since they were young. At the age where they hadn't yet understood the changes of their bodies. The time when worries didn't exist and the only emotion they knew were happy. But, somehow, as the years went the matureness started to alter them and pull them away like magnets picking up metal piece. Tearing them away from the others.

It was petrifying. Haru literally felt the acidic bubbles fizz in his stomach almost ready to explode. If that ever happened between him and Makoto, Haru would be trapped with this sickness forever. But he just swallowed and nodded at Makoto.

"Is that your overnight bag?" Makoto pointed. "Here, I can put that in my room."

Haru backed away before Makoto, keeping his grip on the strap.

"N… No," Haru said. "I just brought a few things along, I can't stay tonight."

Makoto frowned. "You can't? But, I thought-"

"I'm sorry, but I already planned something before."

_Lies._

"But I even bought mackerel for dinner,"

Makoto tried to bargain with Haru now to make him stay the night. He even did a sad smile to keep Haru in his gravitation. But Haru couldn't stay in the pull.

"Sorry, we could have it for lunch, though," Haru suggested and started to put his bag on the ground and get off his shoes. He couldn't see Makoto fake a smile. "Wow, this is a nice little place."

"I folded towels for you, though…"

"I like your couch," Haru avoided what Makoto said, passing by him. "Did you get it cheap?"

"I already made up the bed…"

Haru closed his eyes and sighed. He couldn't take the sound of Makoto's discourage voice anymore. He looked back at Makoto.

"Look, Makoto, I'm really sorry but," Haru tried to think of an excuse. "Rin asked if I would come over tonight. He wants to make dinner for his family. He asked me to help."

"Oh," Makoto lightly said. Accepting the lie. "Well, if it's something like that, it's understandable. Next time then, yeah?"

_Now you're a liar._

"Next time, yeah." Haru agreed.

_You lied. Lied to **him**._

Haru didn't fully understand why he didn't want to stay with Makoto. His bag was packed with clothes, his phone charger, a book, he planned on staying the night. Just, something got in the way last minute.

The clap of Makoto's hands made Haru perk up, and the grin Makoto had started to make Haru feel warm.

"You're probably hungry," Makoto said. "I can start lunch."

"I don't really have an appetite."

"You're not hungry?" Makoto raised an eyebrow and stepped closer. "Are you sick?" He put the back of his hand on Haru's forehead and the other on his own. "You don't feel warm."

"It's because I'm not sick," Haru brushed Makoto's hand off. "I'm a little bus sick. It'll go away."

"You sure it's just your stomach?"

"I'm sure. Maybe while you make lunch I can take a bath. That usually helps."

"Oh, please, you just want to bathe in my bath tub is all. Admit it." Makoto teased with a smile.

Haru rolled his eyes. "Yeah, totally, so can I?"

Makoto nodded. "Of course you can. Go ahead. I'll start lunch."

Haru unzipped his bag and took out his suit. "Oh, Makoto," Haru called, digging in his bag more. He pulled out a second swim suit. "You left a suit at my house after a meet. I thought you might want it back."

"No, it's fine," Makoto echoed from the kitchen. "You can keep it, I don't think I'll swim much anymore. Now that you're not here. Just bring it whenever you come by."

Haru's hand tightened around the slick clothing piece and swallowed, soon stuffing it back in the bag and coming back to the reality that Makoto wasn't going to always be there anymore. And from the way Makoto said it, he'd come to terms with it already and didn't mind. Haru stood up and quickly walked to the kitchen frame.

"Where's your bathroom?" Haru asked.

"The door on the left." Makoto replied, getting out pans.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

Haru went down the narrow hallway and turned the clicked the knob on the bathroom door, closing it behind him when he was in. It was a small bathroom. A vanity, plain bath tub, a laundry hamper. Nothing complex or developed yet. Haru started to draw water from the faucet after learning how it worked by himself. Taking off his shirt and tossing it on the ground. Taking out his keys from his pocket and putting them on the counter before checking his other pocket.

He got out his phone and clicked to see if any messages had come. The screen said _One New Message. _He slid his thumb across the screen to unlock it and see who it was from. _Rin._

_Hey, how's Makoto's?_

Haru licked his lips and started to dial Rin's number and held the phone to his ear. He put the lid down on the toilet seat and sat down. After a few close rings:

"Hello?" Rin answered.

"Hey, Rin." Haru said.

"Haruka, what do you think you're doing? Don't call me when you're out with Makoto, its rude as hell."

"Don't scold me and sound like my mother."

"Stop saying I sound like a mom," Rin growled. "How's I going?"

"Weird," Haru replied. "It's kinda weird."

"What do you mean by weird? And I hear water running. Are you in the bathroom?"

"It just is, okay," Haru sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Look, can I come over tonight?"

"You want to come over? I thought you were spending the night. Will you please turn off that goddamn water, it's hard to hear you over it."

"Yeah, yeah," Haru said, leaning over to turn the knob. "I _did_ plan on spending the night."

"What happen to actually spending the night, then?"

"I'll tell you all about it if I can come over tonight."

"Fine," Rin heavily breathed. "You can come over."

"I'm spending the night."

"Sure, you can stay over, thanks for asking. I'll see you, bye."

"Thanks, bye."

Hare tapped the screen and ended the call. He made plans with Rin, someone he sees almost every day instead of Makoto. Someone he couldn't constantly see and who readied himself for Haru to stay. And he just blew him off. He unlocked his phone again and went to his email.

_Dear Makoto,_

_I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry I'm not spending the night after you did things for my arrival. I'm sorry I just made plans. I'm sorry I may be a little jealous. I'm sorry I'm me. I don't mean to be this way, it's just how I am…_

_I'm sorry._

_Sincerely,Haru._

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><p><em>So I hope you enjoyed. Follow, favorite and review if you did. It helps me out a lot. See you next update.<em>


	6. Shower

**Hey guys! New chapter! So this is a pretty cool kinda long chapter. So enjoy that. I do not own Free! or the characters used. Enjoy.**

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><p>The bus ride seemed so long and dull, Haru's brain was eating itself to entertain him. Outside the tinted bus windows was a clear night sky. Filled with dazzling stars and half of the bouncing moon. For the time it was- nine twenty was what Haru remembered- and there were only three people on the bus.<p>

Two kids- maybe fifteen, sixteen tops- one playing a game and the other watching. Pointing at the bright colored screen to give him steps to win. The other person was a women. Average height, weight, face, nothing seemed to be out of the blue with her. She did seem tired though, almost like she was pinching herself just to keep her eyes open. The swaying of the bus did get to her, and she dozed off a few times before jerking herself awake. Haru wondered what this women was doing on a bus so late, what were these boys doing playing games on a bus. He shouldn't have even been on the bus.

Haru could have been in pajamas now. Already taken a second bath after he had eaten dinner, seeing Makoto up in lounge clothes like he should be at nine and smiling gently at Haru. Asking whether he wanted to play video games or watch a movie before bed. Instead, he was on a bus watching a women wonder where she was for the fourth time in a row.

Haru's spot came up and he stood from his seat he claimed as his own and slung his bag over his shoulder. Passing the women and two children, waving at the bus driver and on his way once again. The bus stop was right in front of Rin's building. Tall, older looking complex, brushed with brick and decorated with windows. Haru started to walk up on the paved sidewalk that lead to the front door of the building. He pulled the glass door at was met with a hallway of doors. Haru took out his phone.

_Hey, what floor are you on?_

Haru sent the text to Rin and waited for a reply. A minute later, the phone chimed and the message was from Rin.

_Like how you exactly knew what floor and number Makoto lived on and you didn't ask me before. Second floor. 201._

Haru groaned. He knew he shouldn't have talked to Rin about Makoto and how he thought the apartment was going to be like. He didn't see an elevator anywhere, only dark speckled carpeted stairs at the end of the hallway.

Haru went up two flights of stairs before he was met with new numbers and doors. They were oak brown colored doors to color the sickly stale walls. Rin's door was the first door. Haru knock a few times. Five seconds later, he knocked several times again.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," A voice called from inside, "You can wait a few damn seconds."

Rin opened the door with already an annoyed look on his face, but his skin glowed on his frown. Once he knew it was Haru, his face slowly faded to unemotional. Rin had on a black V-neck, pale blue jeans and his hair was back in a small pony tail. Bangs still fell all around his face. He moved out from the door way and guided his hand inside like he was introducing Haru to someone. That already happened to him today. Rin rolled his eyes and patted Haru's back to push him in.

"When you ask to go to someone's house you usually come in." Rin said, shutting the door.

"I've been to other houses before, you know?" Haru replied, looking around the small apartment while taking off his shoes.

"I can see that," He pulled the strap of Haru's bag while he passed him, "You're all packed and ready to spend the night with someone. Instead, you're with me."

"You're acting like you're not happy to see me."

"I never said I wasn't happy to see you, I just knew you didn't want to see me tonight," That part was true, "So why are you here and not at Lovely Makoto's house?"

Haru sighed and dropped his bag, "I don't really feel like talking about that right now. Maybe some time later."

"We're going to talk about it, though. _Tonight._" Rin decided.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Haru hastily agreed, "So this is your place, yeah?"

"Yep," Rin plopped on the couch, "It's not much but it's mine."

Haru didn't feel like sitting down yet. He didn't even feel like touching anything yet. The walls looked so thin that wind could probably blow them over. Picture frames of collected memories looked like small crystals all collected and if a finger was laid on them they would crumble. Carpet seemed like it would turn into dust whenever it was stepped on. It was a delicate area for Haru. Not like the place looked like it was so old it was falling apart at the seams, it was just new, and after today, Haru really wasn't ready for _new. _

Haru could look but not touch. He nodded his head, "Not bad."

Rin slouched and laid his elbows on his spread thighs. Rin saw Haru. He saw him more than just _Haru. _He saw distress. He saw sadness being masked. He saw tiered. Haru was all the above.

"Do you want anything to drink?" Rin asked.

"No." Haru declined.

"Want something to eat? I was just going to order some take- out."

"No, I ate at Makoto's at four."

"That was like, five hours ago," Rin stood up, "You're eating. You good with pizza?"

"I'm not hungry."

"You're not arguing with me."

Rin had him there.

"Fine, I'll eat," Haru gave in, "Can I take a bath while you wait?"

"I don't have a bath." Rin said, looking up the number online.

"You what?"

"I don't have a bath." Rin repeated.

"That's weird, it's like you said you said you don't have a bath."

"I _don't_. It's a cheap place."

"How can you _not_ have a bath?" Haru asked, "Everyone has a bath. Where have you been bathing?"

"I have a shower," Rin said in an obvious tone, looking back at Haru with the phone to his ear, "Duh."

"_Shower_?" Haru whined, "What the hell am I supposed to-"

Rin waved a finger and told Haru to hush. "Yeah, hi, can I get…" Rin's words trailed off as he flicked his wrist to tell Haru to either sit down or suck it up that he didn't have a bath tub. Haru clicked his tongue while Rin started rattling off the order. Haru snatched up his bag. He went down the hall and since there were only two doors, he'd play the guessing game instead of asking Rin where his no-fucking-bath-tub-bath-room was.

He peeked his head through the first door on the right. Rin's room- from what he saw- a shadow of a bed and a lamp shade. He closed the door and barged towards the other room, not afraid of saying "_sorry_" if he came in on someone using the bathroom. Since it was only him and Rin. Maybe he should have asked Rin if some hot criminal justice college student was coming in and out of his house.

Haru felt grubby from the bus ride. The windows weren't down so he felt sticky and his skin peeled apart from each other. He smelled like a mix of passengers and his own sweat. A shower was actually better than a bath. Still, Haru would pout about it. He looked for a towel shelf or rack, he found the rack: no towels. He did see a shelf: no towels. He didn't care (yes he did), he'd call Rin later whenever he needed one. The shower- since it lacked a fucking tub still- had a flat paved bottom and plastic curtain. It was almost like how you showered when you go to a pool so that was a plus.

Haru started taking his things out of his pockets and set them on the sink counter. Stripping off his shirt after and flipping his bangs, catching a glance of himself in the mirror. Haru always remembered how his eyes looked. The color of dark waves reflecting off the sun, now they looked different, really different, he hadn't really _looked _at himself in a long time. They were recycle bin blue, because he was a broken thing now. He didn't look run down or looked cracked in anyway, but damn did he sure feel like he was. A knock came to the door before Rin came in and opened it.

"Hey, sorry about no towels," He said with a fluffy towel in his arms, "They were still in my basket after I washed them. I forgot to restock."

"Thanks," Haru said, grabbing the towel and setting it on the counter, "Why didn't you wait for me to answer the door?"

"Why would it matter? You bath in a suit."

Haru shook his head, "I take bathes in a suit. I shower to get clean. I get naked for showers."

Rin lightly laughed, "We were on a swim team, Haru. We competed with each other and shared a locker room. I think seen you naked a time or two."

"I never saw you naked."

"You act like that's a downer or something, whatever," Rin had his hand around the knob and a foot out the door, "I just wanted to give you your towel and don't waste my hot water. Pizza will be here in ten. Be out in seven minutes."

"That's not enough time for me to shower."

"It's plenty, and you're wasting time by still talking to me. Seven minutes. Go." Rin closed the door. Haru made a face after he left.

Despite the lack of tub and time limit, the shower wasn't bad. It was something much needed. He didn't care for standing up but he love the water. He didn't like not being able to sit in his bathing suit. It wasn't too warm where it blotched his legs red and it wasn't too cold where his body slowly dropped in temperature and become uncomfortable. It was enough where there was steam and felt humid. Water dripped of and stared down at the steam of water running to the drain and slipping away. At the five minute point, Haru didn't feel like standing up anymore and shut off the water and pushed back the curtain.

Haru touched his face with the towels, having the little fibers pat his face. It smelled like Rin. His comforting scent that was strong and caring. Which meant he smelled like soap and clover shampoo. He tussled his hair with the towel until it was damp and then tucked it around his waist. He got all his clothes and bag. He opened the door and saw Rin on the ground by the coffee table reading a book, the cover was too far away to read but Rin seemed to be intrigued by it. So intrigued that he didn't noticed Haru came out of the bathroom. Haru shrugged and went to Rin's room to change. He flicked on the light and sat his things down while he looked around the room. His bed was plan and little mad for only one (that'll be funny t share a bed) a window that took half the wall, a dresser with a picture friend (elementary so Haru, Nagisa, etc.) with trophies surrounding it. There weren't any posters, no wall decorations, nothing.

Rin must have not cared since he hadn't had any friends around. Sure, he did have his team and ex-team and Gou, but he still stayed alone. Somehow, he was attracted to Haru when he was falling apart. Maybe he thought he could fix him. But Rin never looked at him like he was a broken thing, he looked at him like a friend simply going through something in his own way. He was just available to pick up the pieces. He rummaged through his bag and go out underwear, t-shirt, and jeans, thinking it was too early still for pajama pants. He threw the clothes on Rin's bed and dropped his towel from his hips and stepped in his underwear. Throwing on the rest of his clothes and stepping out, hearing Rin say "_thank you." _ To the delivery boy and closed the door with a pizza box in his hands, being meet with Haru drearily walking towards him.

"Look who actually got out of the shower on time," Rin said like it was an achievement, "Pizza's here."

"Actually, I got out a little early, thank you." Haru countered.

"Wow, progress." Rin said, setting the box down on the table and headed towards the kitchen, "I'll get plates. Want some soda?"

Haru shook his head. "Just a water. Drinking soda makes you fat."

"Yeah, because you'll _totally _get fat from a glass of cola."

"Kiss your abs goodbye, Rin if you keep drinking soda."

"Whatever," Rin already was rolling his eyes as he came back with plates and a can of soda and a plastic bottle of water juggling in his arms. "I couldn't get rid of these abs if I tried."

"I think I already see your stomach becoming flabby." Haru said, sitting on the ground in front of the coffee table. Rin doing the same after he sat everything down and flipped open the lid of the pizza box.

"What can you do about it?" Rin shrugged, "freshmen fifteen."

"Lay off the soda please?"

"Why do you care?" Rin stretched out a slice of pizza, "Do you have a thing for my body?" He smirked.

"Yeah of course," Haru sarcastically said, "I can't get enough of it."

"Listen, I'll stop drinking soda when you tell me what's going on." He sipped his drink and took a bite of his slice. "What the hell happened at Makoto's?"

Oh yeah. There was that ugly question still wasn't there? Haru licked his lips and twist the cap to his water.

"Don't talk with your mouthful," Haru said before taking a drink of water, "I just didn't want to stay."

"Oh bullshit, I'm not an idiot Haru. I know something's wrong. And you said you'd tell me you can't go back on that."

Shit, he did, didn't he? That shower felt longer than five minutes.

"Well," Haru rolled his tongue, "When I got to Makoto's house and I was ready on staying the night at Makoto's and I was still really excited about it. When I came to his house… Someone else opened the door. A guy. And by the looks of it, both of them looked really happy."

"So you didn't stay because of some guy?" Rin mumbled chewing, "Was he staying over too?"

"No, no, he left actually."

"Was he a dick or something?"

"Not from what I could tell."

"So you didn't stay over because of some guy was in Makoto's apartment," Rin checked, "Yeah, Haru, hate to break it to you but that's fucking stupid."

"Thank you for being so comforting in this time for me, Rin. Gosh, you give me the best advice as always."

"Well it's true, I can deal without the sarcasm," Rin said, "You were so excited about seeing him. What happened to that? Just from some guy?"

Haru shrugged, "I don't know, I just… I… It didn't _feel _right, okay? I didn't like knowing that someone was there."

"Well," Rin swallowed, "You said he seemed like a good guy, right? So what was wrong with him?"

Haru didn't know why he didn't say Rin knew Sosuke. He was probably afraid the Rin would take his side instead of his. It wasn't a good reason on keeping it secret, but he'd keep it up.

"He… It seemed like he made Makoto… Happy," Haru trailed. His stomach sinking, "They both looked really happy…"

"Happy. You didn't want to stay because this guy _looked _like he was making Makoto happy," Rin heavily sighed and rubbed his fore head with the tips of his fingers like he was getting a headache, "Oh my god, Haru…"

"I know, I know, it's ridiculous but I don't know," _Yeah right, _"I just didn't want to stay… So I came over here… I thought you might help," Haru stood up, "I should have just gone home."

"No, no," He leaned over the table and grabbed Haru's wrist, "Sit back down and I'll really talk to you about this. And eat some food, I can't eat this all by myself."

It sounded like Rin was actually afraid of Haru leaving. Haru couldn't understand why that was a fear, but he sat back down and put a slice on his plate. Rin leaned back and put his hand on the table.

"Do you think you were just jealous?" Rin asked.

"Probably."

"What would make you jealous about that?"

"I don't know." _Yes you do._

"You miss Makoto, yeah?"

"Constantly. I miss him now."

"How do you feel when he's gone?"

"Well Mr. Consular, I feel pretty shitty when he's gone. I feel like a piece is gone when he's away…"

Why was he opening up so much? Was it because of Rin? Because he really wanted Rin's help? He took a bite of pizza, it was chewy and too cheesy. It was still really good.

"So you think Makoto has a part of you is what I'm getting at."

"Yeah. Sorta."

Rin sucked in his lips and looked somewhat pained, "Haru…" Rin muttered, "Do you think you might… You know, love him a little bit?"

Haru's eyes widened and flicked his head quickly to the side. It's not like it was a hard thing to see, other people might have thought it was just a close friendship on Haru's side. But Rin saw it, the envy of others- it wasn't because they were friends- saw the hurt when Makoto left- it wasn't because they were friends- it wasn't a friendship. It was because Haru was in love. Haru didn't think he wanted anyone to know that. It was a stupid thing and he didn't want a stupid thing to be out there.

Haru shook his head, "Not as a lover or something," God, it hurt just denying that, "I just feel like I'm losing a close friend."

"No one gets jealous from someone making a_ close friend _happy. They're glad when they see their _friend_ happy even if they're the one who didn't do it. Seeing someone you love happy when it's not you, makes you jealous sometimes."

"I don't love him."

"Sure you don't."

"I _don't." _

"Uh-huh."

"I don't fucking love him. Okay?"

"Let's not talk about this anymore," Rin saw Haru getting frustrated and stood up, "I'm gonna take a shower. I'll be out in a few."

"Yeah, whatever."

Rin walked out of the living room down the hall. Haru heard the door shut and the water immediately started to run. Haru looked down at his lap, looking over the evidence of the night. Haru knew his strong feelings towards Makoto and when faced with someone who knew what they were, it freaked him out. Especially when it was Rin asking the question "_do you love him?"_ He didn't get why it was so scary when Rin asked. Maybe it was from how close they had gotten from Makoto leaving. _Makoto leaving… _Haru was the one who left Makoto today. How could he face himself after that?

Haru took out his phone and went to his email. He felt like writing. So that's what he'd do to fill the time.

_Dear Makoto,_

_So I went to Rin's like I said. But I still lied about helping him cook dinner for his family. We got pizza and talked a little. We talked about you. And why the fuck I can't get you out of my mind. And why I can't stand seeing you getting along with someone new. Rin got the right answer, though. It's because I love you… But I didn't want him to know and I really don't get why. Rin is just… Just… well_

"Haru!" Rin screamed from the bathroom, the water had stopped. "I need a towel!"

How long was Haru writing for? Long enough for Rin to finish his shower and call for a towel.

"You already knew you cleaned towels," Haru called back, saving the unfinished letter in drafts and standing up, "how could you forget a towel?"

"Screw you, that how, now can you please get me one? I'm freezing my ass off here."

"Where are they?"

"My room."

Haru walked down the hall and back into Rin's room. He just picked up his own towel and folded it quick. He knocked on the bathroom door.

"Come in." Rin said.

Haru turned the knob and opened the door. Rin was holding a toothbrush underneath running water in the sink. He was standing there. Naked.

"Hey, Rin?" Haru said waving the towel, "You needed this?"

"Oh, yeah," Rin sat his toothbrush to the side and turned off the water, "Thanks." He turned, grabbing the towel.

It's not like Haru was affected by seeing Rin naked. Granted, he never really saw Rin as stark as he was when they were younger or even when they were older. He imagined he grew out of his pink skin into the body he had now. Abs ripping over his stomach, a rib cage sculpted on the side that dented so much that you could stick your fingers through them. A deep v-line trailing down to Rin's crotch. God was he smooth down there. Not just crotch but soft thighs too. His skin almost resembled honey, it looked so faint and gentle. Rin wrapped the towel around his hips and put toothpaste on his brush. His hair wet with more layers of bangs slinging across his forehead, dripping wet with the droplets kissing down his cheeks.

Haru was analyzing this body very intensely. No, he was analyzing Rin very closely. How Rin's hips shook as he brushed his teeth, his eyes popping while he stared at himself in the mirror. He didn't know why his feet stayed planted in the bathroom, he saw Rin do a smirk.

Rin spit out the minty foam in his mouth, "Glad you finally got to see me naked?" Rin hummed.

"Huh?" Haru flipped his head up.

"Me. Naked. Nude. No clothes. You glad?"

"Oh yeah you wish I was."

"You look like you were really looking at me."

"Well, I was," He said, "I never really looked at your body before."

"I'm a catch aren't I?" He grinned.

"Only if it weren't for your personality." Haru turned walking out of the bathroom.

"Hey, I have a great personality!" Rin pouted, following Haru out.

"Uh-huh, yeah you do."

Haru was in Rin's room rummaging through his bag for his own tooth brush and pajama bottoms. When he straightened back up, he was met face-to-face with Rin's scowl. Haru's expression never changed.

"Want to get out of my way?' Haru asked.

"Not until you agree I have a nice personality." Rin replied.

"Why do you care what I think?"

"Because I don't like knowing my friend thinks my personality sucks. Say. It."

"I was just joking."

"Then say it."

"You're like a child sometimes," Haru shook his head, "You have a wonderful awesome, super great personality. Happy?"

"A little over exaggerated but yes." Rin moved out of the way and let Haru pass.

"Just like a child."

Rin rolled his shoulders. "I do whatever I have to, to get what I want."

After they had both gotten in pajamas, they now had to figure out the bedroom situation. They'd slept in the same bed before. When they were younger they were small enough to share a bed. When they were older they did the same but the bed was bigger. This was a single bed made for one person.

"I can sleep on the couch." Haru suggested.

"No, that couch is awful to sleep on. My back hurt for a week when I napped once on it," Rin paused and thought for a moment, "I can get blankets and sleep on the ground."

"That sounds awful, I won't let you do that."

"Well what the hell are we gonna do, Haru?"

"I really don't mind sleeping in the same bed as you. We've done it before," Haru pointed out, "We'll face the other way and it'll be fine. Unless it makes you uncomfortable."

"No, its fine. I just wouldn't think you'd want to in a bed like this."

"I just want to go to sleep," Haru said, already agreeing and going under the covers, "And if you want to sleep on the couch or the floor, go ahead."

Rin groaned, "I don't want to do that. So I guess I'll share."

Haru could care less. He had his back turned and heard Rin turn off the light and come into the bed. The springs were bouncy, the cushion was plush and the comforter was thin and cotton. It was a new bed or at least it felt like it was. Haru shut his eyes and he heard Rin roll over on his hip.

"Hey, Haru?"

"What is it, Rin?"

"Why did you get defensive when I said you loved Makoto?"

"Oh my god, I don't want to talk about this so late. I thought I already told you I didn't love Makoto."

"Then why did you get defensive if you didn't?"

"I don't know, Rin. I don't freaking know. Can you drop it?" Haru asked, "Is this deep bedroom talk?"

"Kinda, I just want to know is all."

"Well, I don't know, okay? There, now you have the answer. Can you let me go to bed now?"

"Do you think maybe I'm growing on you again? Like when we were younger?"

Haru rolled over on his hip to face Rin in the dark.

"Yes, Rin," Haru said, "I came here because I wanted you to help me. And, I think you really did… It may not seem like it, but you really do help me out a lot. You make me feel a lot better… you make me forget…"

Suddenly, Rin's arms wrapped around Haru and pulled him into his chest. Rin's chin resting on top of Haru's head being tickled by the locks and Haru able to smell Rin. Haru lifted up his head slightly to look at Rin. He wasn't going to pull away.

"What are you doing?" Haru asked.

"Making you feel better. It's called comfort."

"You're holding me, you don't have to do that to comfort me. And what makes you think I need comfort."

"You started to remember Makoto when you said I made you forget about him," Rin whispered, "I don't want you to think of Makoto when you're talking about me, okay?"

"I-"Haru stopped himself and lowered his head in Rin's chest, "Okay, I talk about him when I talk about you."

"You're staying the night tomorrow, too."

"What makes you think that?"

"Because you already said you would before you went to Makoto's."

"You remember that?"

"How could I forget about you coming over?"

* * *

><p><em>So I hope you guys enjoyed. Follow, favorite, and review if you did. Helps me out a lot. See you next update.<em>


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